


and truth be told, I never was yours

by ElasticElla



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Brief suicide ideation, Future Fic, M/M, Minor Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They never talk much- during, before, after. They kiss and touch like starving men, swallowing their own spit over and over, pretending it helps ease the hunger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and truth be told, I never was yours

They never talk much- during, before, after. They kiss and touch like starving men, swallowing their own spit over and over, pretending it helps ease the hunger. The long gone Lightwood siblings lie in every silence, heavy and echoing.

It can't be healthy, not for either of them. But Magnus promised he wouldn't lose himself in an alcoholic daze, and Meliorn keeps him from constantly reaching for nostalgic oblivion. (He's not sure why Meliorn helps him, what exactly he gets out of it beyond the obvious. Magnus isn't very inclined to figure that puzzle out.)

Alec chose death over him.

When he's in a particularly petty mood he blames their friends and family for being mortal.

When he's in an even less charitable mood he blames himself for not begging Camille to turn him.

.

They don't talk about Camille either, and she doesn't inhabit their negative space. Magnus supposes it makes sense in a way, Meliorn hadn't fallen in love with her- and he's still glad this century she's off in Tokyo.

It had only been a matter of time since she found him after Alexander's death.

Three years too soon, Camille had drawled, “God, were you this pathetic when I left you?”

And it hadn't been that long, Magnus was allowed to still be spending evenings in, pouring over photo albums.

.

Meliorn never touches the wedding band that stays on a thin chain, most often hidden by a shirt.

Magnus never touches the silver snake tattoo that wraps around Meliorn's right ankle.

See? They don't need words.

.

The lair is stuffed with too many memories, is suffocating, and Magnus packs it away and jumps to California. He buys an obscene amount of land up north by the ocean, and magics himself a giant castle.

Security is an even larger project than decorating, and Magnus adds wards upon wards, spends months on new layers. He isn't happy, but he's busy and that's better than expected. (No one ever gets past the first ward.)

.

Their sex life is beyond vanilla, and for Magnus at least, it keeps his mind from wandering.

Simple, content, stable.

(Alec had always been against making a sex tape, and at the time Magnus had thought nothing of it. Now he can't help but wonder if Alec did it to keep him away from obsession, and god, like a simple tape could hold such power.)

.

“What about the other universes?” Magnus asks one day, and Meliorn doesn't even blink. Meliorn has probably been expecting the question, and if Magnus had met him long, long ago, he thinks they could have been more than each other's faulty coping mechanisms.

“They're not the same people,” Meliorn says. “I wouldn't be here if she was.”

“But are they…?”

“There are a few where one of them is still alive. Fewer still with both. None are close.”

It's still tempting, the softest killing of self imaginable. No anchor would hold infinitely, and even if one would, clinging onto his self and previous world would only emphasize all of the new world's shortcomings.

“Pity,” Magnus says.

“Is it?” Meliorn asks, and Magnus doesn't answer that, kisses him instead.

.

Magnus never says thank you.

Neither does Meliorn, but he knows the man would never show appreciation in such a straightforward fashion.

It's one of those things he keeps meaning to say, but they speak so rarely and there's never a good time. Never a time when its meaning won’t be misconstrued.

And then Meliorn's dead, because even faeries die eventually and Magnus is alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> title from p!atd's this is gospel  
> [follow for more soft trash](http://parkwest.tumblr.com/)


End file.
